13 Things Men Think About Women But Never Say
Between
magazines, romantic comedies, and generally baseless cultural
assumptions, women have long been guessing what men are really thinking.
His feet are slanted towards you at a 15-degree angle? Then he’s in
love. 30-degree angle? He wants nothing to do with you. Then there are
the totally speculative “what he really wants” sex tips like this real
“tip” from a “real” guy in Cosmopolitan: “‘We need you to get a
little rough and grab on to it like you’re milking a cow. You
may think
you’re hurting him, but I guarantee if you ask, he’d request more,’
says Steven, 23.” Why is 23-year-old Steven trying to cause us men so
much pain? And aren’t we all smart enough to know that 23-year-old
Steven is probably a 30-year-old female staff writer who’s just throwing
down some ideas to make deadline?
We men are complex creatures, and we’ll
admit that we can be a bit of trouble sometimes, especially when it
comes to communicating what we really want. Whether it’s fear of
rejection, fear of compromising our masculinity, or fear of butting up
against cultural norms, we often keep our true thoughts to ourselves.
It’s a shame too because then we leave it up to Hollywood and magazines
to tell women what we’re thinking. In order to solve all that, take a
look at the biggest things men think about women but never say:
1. Please order dessert
There are so many mind games that are
hidden within a seemingly meaningless decision like ordering dessert. An
“I’m full, none for me” after I just saw you push your salad around
with your fork shows that the relationship is predicated on performance.
Buying into the idea that you have to be a dainty feather isn’t sexy
because it means you’re not comfortable with who you are or whom you are
with. If the real you really has a stomach the size of a bird’s, then
fine, but if not, then please skip the psychological jockeying and
adherence to cultural norms, be the real you, and order up a brownie
sundae. As with orgasms and suntans, fake isn’t sexy.
632,241 people like this. Be the first of your friends.
2. Make the first move (or at least give us the confidence to do it ourselves)
Even the
manliest of dudes don’t like to face rejection and get their feelings
hurt. We’re probably all for trying to pick you up, but give us a hint
that we may have a shot before we dive in. If you’re not going to
initiate an interaction then maybe open your body posture, touch us on
the arm, or shoot us a warm smile — just give us an excuse, any excuse,
to think we won’t be humiliated if we make a move, and we’ll be happy to
strike up a conversation. We can see where things go from there, but
there’s got to be somewhere to start.
3. You can be the boss in the bedroom
Traditional gender roles are cool and all,
but, sometimes, it’s nice to have the woman take charge. I don’t need
to be thrown on the floor, blindfolded or choked to get excited (if you
do, then more power to you), but give us a few directions and tell us
what exactly it is that’ll make you happy. If the guy seems stressed out
it’s probably because he’s nervous he won’t please you. So, weird as it
may sound, if you take control once in a while, it can be just what he
needs to loosen up a little.
4. You’re beautiful, stop complaining
We probably
wouldn’t be with you if we thought you were unattractive. Men are
immensely visual creatures, and, shallow as it may sound, looks always
play some part in the equation. The thing is though, we have all sorts
of preferences about female body type. Some like the fit but womanly
Jennifer Lawrence look, others prefer the athletic, Cameron Diaz type,
and some are into super skinny women like Zoe Saldana or fuller-figured
ladies like Melissa McCarthy. So don’t stress. We think you’re hot.
That’s why we’re with you. If you want to change something about you, go
for it, but do it for you not for us. If your boyfriend or crush or
whomever does give you a hard time, you might rethink that relationship
before rethinking your body.
5. Elegant dress trumps skimpy dress
An elegant outfit that makes you look like
an A-list actress, be it Brigitte Bardot or Emma Watson, plays to our
desire for success, grown-up-ness, and classical beauty. Just as you
appreciate the rippling muscles of Channing Tatum in a three-piece suit,
so too we want to feel like we’re walking down the red carpet with
someone who cared enough to put on grandma’s pearls, touch up her
makeup, and take the time to find that perfect dress. With the elegant
look down, then dinner and drinks turns into a first-class date. The
usual, low-cut party dress is fine, but an elegant outfit means we’re
dealing with not a girl, but a woman.
6. A compliment (or two) doesn’t hurt
It goes against the notion that men don’t
need their feelings coddled, but a quick compliment goes a long way in
boosting our confidence. It doesn’t have to be verbal either. A bicep
squeeze, a longing stare, even a full-on, up-and-down check out will be
taken as a compliment. In this instance, we’re all for being
objectified.
7. Know how to order a drink
An “ummm… a martini please?” versus an
“I’ll take a perfect Maker’s Manhattan up sans cherry” is the difference
between cluelessness and a confident woman who knows what she wants.
Banal as it may seem, this dichotomy translates into character traits
far more important than alcohol preference. Even if it’s totally not the
case and you’re simply not much of a drinker, if you’re bumbling,
unconfident, and indirect in one situation, there’s a high probability
these traits will reveal themselves in other instances.
8. We like the chase — but if you like us, don’t make it impossible.
Don’t call me Ethan Hunt because a “Mission Impossible” isn’t a fun adventure. It’s frustrating,
depressing, and eventually we’ll give up.
depressing, and eventually we’ll give up.
9. Just be confident — looks matter, but not that much
If we’re going to start believing the beauty magazines, we might as well borrow this statistic: Glamour
claims, “78% of men would rather date a confident plus-size woman than
an insecure supermodel.” Every man wants to be with a beautiful woman.
It’s just that if she’s a bundle of insecurities wrapped in some
aesthetic appeal, that beauty seems to wane. It’s an odd occurrence, but
personality and confidence make a woman physically sexier. The way we
perceive women is generally how they perceive themselves. Lots of
confidence? Très sexy. Lots of complaining and fishing for validation?
Not so much.
- 157.1k
10. You’re probably attracted to me
According to
a recent study by the American Academy of Sleep Medicine, as men become
tired they begin to overestimate a woman’s sexual interest in him. So
if the feeling isn’t mutual, let us down firmly but nicely (on a pillow
preferably). While we can be obnoxiously overconfident, sometimes it’s
literally brain chemistry.
11. Going natural implies trust
A woman wearing no makeup is often eons
sexier than one with too much. Wearing a little can be quite nice and if
it gives you confidence then go on ahead. Yet the vulnerability and
trust that going natural implies when you’re one-on-one is enough to
make most guys’ hearts jump.
12. You don’t have to watch “the game”/drink beer/play Halo
Somehow, a woman who loves sports and can
rack up a kill streak on Halo became a part of the Manic Pixie Dream
Girl ideal. (Maybe it was Drew Barrymore in Fever Pitch? Damn you Drew!)
Whatever the reason, there’s no need to lounge in your t-shirt or grab a
spot in front of the flat screen before the game if you’re not really
into it. Doing what you want is most important. If you genuinely embody a
more “classic” femininity as a woman — one who abhors video games and
loves to shop — do that. We have our guy friends for the other stuff.
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